Enjoy scarification and sacrificed the enjoyment

The title that i used this time is quite weird yet simple to understand. Most of the people know this meaning but how many people does actually practice it? lets ask how many people willing to sacrifice the enjoyment? Including myself...
I almost forgot this term until the time i came back here and stay now.
That is why recently i deeply review myself of what i have done in this passed few years...Things that make me felt guilty and uncertainties. Things that i did wrong of bad decision and playful heart...
Young man always had this so call young impulse. I felt that i'm getting more and more weak and lost concentration easily as the main reason is not willing to sacrifice. This means that lack of preparation and easily get influence of social seduction. Friends date, activity and so on...one word tht is not willing to be alone ...Find excuses for myself of joining activity will get more knowledge and just arrange time properly u will manage to handle but end up this 2 years...Ah john fail...A person can be very busy and intense, but when the time u ask the person to sit down and relax he o she definitely cant do that as is used to hectic life~~~
When the time on intense pursuing life target we forget ourself and origin . Even yourself cant really understand who u are...Meditation...settle down and think!!!Enjoy the moment of silence heart while sacrifice the time that u think is precious and $$...End up you will find yourself more meaningful with the intense life...As you know what u r doing and who are you :-D
I used to fall asleep when meditate ...too bad ...But when i meditate i will think of myself and start reviewing ...
Now, the age of 22, have to seriously look at how is yourself after pass few years?
If still passing life like this i guarantee, i will be still the same...No motivation and talk empty...
My dream , what i wish since the age of child have become more and more reality ~ people always said that reality is cruel, yea i agreed ...
My result drop like shit although this semester i did try my best i confessed. But why the same still happen to me?
Through meditation and inner review, the lack of inner heart scarification...No matter how discipline of myself i still cant really get into what i have studied...The term greedy and rush...as a young man who does not wan a new car? a lot of money ? But we can never rush for it as we have to climb up the ladder step by step... The process of life...No one have shortcut and no one is most luckily ...Life is fair i believed ~ Whatever we wan we have to attain it by ourself as our destiny is in our hands.
Decision of your life depends of your scarification

What i felt

Today 23rd of may 2010 , i have attended to a charity food fair @ vaidurya Buddhist lodge temple bukit mertajam . Actually, i was an volunteer helper since the time after i joining the shorten monk experience camp. The camp really change me a lot until now. For those who are not Buddhist, u may try and understand. For me, Buddhism teaching really have a great impact toward social and people life. Although i m not a good Buddhist follower but i just know that everyone has a mercy heart. We should tolerance each other in order to live peacefully...
Everyone has sin, but Buddha told us that if we do lot of goodwill and this will add our merit in order to reduce sin...i m not good in this , so is just to tell that do something with no regrets in heart. For the pass is the past. We should learn from it and be our lesson in the future. So dont kill even a small ant, they are living.
Sorry for those who i had hurt before and thankful for those that giving me the lesson...Life keep changing, people we met and interacted will change our life. We will not realize that the change until the moment u flashback and facing something that u dont wish to happen. We should honest and dont lie. I should great that now i meet someone that really let me feel what we do should always feel appreciate and what we have now as well.
When come into our mind, What is our really 'needs' and 'intended' ?
Thats totally difference, Our intended needs is not actually the needs that we actually should have, is just our thinking i need it now and i want it now. What if u cant have it now? A mind sick popping out , sadness , and worst depression as we too wanted to have it. What about lets think another way round, it just not the time to have it but when the time is correct your intended need will become your needs...
Just do the best and appreciate everything that our current status now.
Ops ...too fussy in talking this and haven talk about the charity that i did today.
Since yesterday i was helping at the temple d, i arrange the table and the candle light. Helping all the stuff that needed. i was happy to meet all the old friend back hehe~ cheer